Alone
by Midnight12
Summary: Draco's musings on life. Set on Christmas Eve. Happy Christmas everyone!


Miss Me  
  
By Midnight  
  
Rated: G  
  
Authors Note: Heh, I set down to write a Christmas fic and it turned into this. Angst-ridden, 16-year-old Draco Malfoy's thoughts on his life. This is my first shot at fan fic, so please Read&Review!  
  
Disclamer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling except the angst. That is mine! Grrr! My Christmas angst!  
  
~~~  
  
I looked down on the grounds, glittering with dew and appearing a cold blue color in the moonlight. I shivered as a cold wind passed by me, through the open window, and into the Owlery, ruffling the feathers of the few owls not out for the night.  
  
I pulled my cloak tighter around me and brushed a hand through my platinum hair. From my perch on the sill of one of the many large windows in the Owlery I could see most of the Hogwarts grounds. The still, black lake, the Forbidden Forest, the oaf, Hagrid's, miserable excuse for a house, even the Quidditch pitch in the distance.  
  
Sitting up here, being above almost everything else, seeing everything that is going on in the grounds, gives me a feeling of superiority. I know, though, that I'm far from superior.  
  
The chill December wind bites at my face but my eyes remain open, looking up at the sky. It wasn't as dark as I liked it at night. The full moon giving off the bright light was hanging in the purple sky in all its luminescent glory right in front of my eyes. It lit up everything, giving even the blackness of the forest a bluish glow. I see my breath in front of me as I sigh.  
  
Every night for the last week I've found myself longing to get away from everything. Leave the dank, quiet gloom of the Slytherin common room. I thought of going to the library and researching a happiness potion to lift my spirits, but, it being Christmas, I'd find little solitude there. Granger, Potter and Weasley usually abducted the place, trying to solve their latest Hogwarts mystery. I did not want to deal with them.  
  
So, every night I came here. I crept through the corridors and up the tower stairs to the Owlery. No one came up here at night, as their owls were most likely out hunting or delivering messages. I sat on the window sil on the left of the big, circular room.  
  
I had been waiting for this night for some time now. Not only because it was Christmas eve, I had long-since stopped anticipating the many presents my mother sent me. No, I was waiting to see the moon. I have this thing about the moon. I hate it. I hate its perfect shape. I hate how it lights up the night sky. I hate the color, that silver color that reminds me so much of my hair - and my father's hair. Anything to do with my Father was to be hated.  
  
I looked up at that moon, thinking. Thinking about my Father. I never like thinking about Father. Everything he has put me through. Everything he has taught me. About what I am expected to do as his heir. About my part in Voldemort's plan against Potter. About life. And about love. Love is the strongest weakness anyone could ever have. He had said. Malfoys do not love. Any thought of love would be madness.  
  
I grew up on that, never loving anyone, never having anyone love me. No one caring about what I thought or felt. That was the main reason I had such a horrible upbringing, which led to such a horrible person. Cold, sarcastic, Draco Malfoy. Proud Slytherin with pure blood and a mansion full of evil. Most of the time I didn't care what people called me. I was above them. Heh, ya right.  
  
I quickly stood up and walked to the door. Swiftly, silently I walked back down through the empty halls to the dungeons. I followed the familiar path to the Slytherin house entrance, whispered the password to the wall and entered my home. Once the wall had resealed itself I crept up to my dormitory and shut the door.  
  
I never wanted to turn out cold. As a child I had always wanted my mother to leave and give me a new, nicer father whom I could be happy with. I gave up on that dream when I was 6. As I grew up with Lucius I found pleasure in things that were evil, cruel and, to me, quite fun. I loved hunting out in the forest on out estate. He would give me a gun and send me out for the night. He didn't care if I got attacked by a bear or fell and broke my ankle. He left me alone to fend for myself and that's where the cold in my heart came from.  
  
I reveled in my sword fighting skills. I've been fencing since I could carry a sword and now am a worthy opponent for even my Father, Master Malfoy himself. The sport itself requires an amount of grace and strength to pull off the complicated moves Lucius taught me, but I was always a graceful child. Small, light and thin, but strong. I let out most of my energy in the fencing room.  
  
I strode across the room, past the empty beds of my dorm mates to my four- poster. I would be spending this Christmas more alone than ever. I had told Crabbe and Goyle to go home for the holidays and the rest of Slytherin house, save for a few students I never had the desire to meet, were gone, too. The solitude was heaven for me. In other ways it was hell.  
  
I slowly undressed, my muscles tense. It had been a while since I had had any time to release my pent-up energy. I looked into my wardrobe, scanning the black outfits for something to wear tommorrow. Nothing different. I sigh and decide to spend the next day in bed.  
  
No one will miss me. 


End file.
